Anya’s continuing story
My daughter was baptised two weeks ago. Her life is full of miracles, but she did not get baptised for them. She got baptised because she wanted to be closer to God.
I was baptised four months ago. My life was also full of miracles. I too did not get baptised for them, but I got baptised because of them. I needed miracles to wake me up from the horrible dream I was living. I needed miracles to make me stop, to look and see, to listen and hear, and to trust in His power. They were like guiding lights in the total darkness taking me back to the Path.
My daughter is 25. She is my miracle number one. There were amazing, life-saving events before and after, and I could write a thick book about all of the miracles that happened in my long life. But I want to tell you about only one miracle that happened very recently and which convinced me to the last tiny cell of my body and my rebelling mind that God IS present in my life and He is not going anywhere.
Many years ago I was unfairly dismissed from a hospital I was working in and subsequently removed from the Register of Midwives. The story is dull and I am not going to bore you with it. All I need to tell you is that to go back on the register of midwives after being struck off it, is nearly an impossible thing. Actually there was only one nurse who was reinstated, but no midwives (!), in the whole history of the Nursing and Midwifery Council.
I was reinstated on the third of February two thousand twelve and it was one in the long line of miracles which flooded my life since the birth of my baby twenty-five years ago. Another miracle was to find a place and funds to complete the Return to Practice course. God brought amazing people into my life and I will never stop thanking Him for this. The miracles were abundant during my course, one of them was meeting Jan – a midwife who brought me to church, where I submitted myself (finally!) to God. Another was my supervisor – Gwyneth – who was a Christian and secretly prayed for me from my first day on the course. The course was not easy for me. I was too excited and too nervous about everything and this did not help with my decision-making abilities. Once I made a wrong decision, which could cost me my future. And future of my daughter, of course.
I called Pauline.
She said: “Fight!”
And I fought.
I prayed. Pauline and Keith prayed. My new family – Aenon Church – prayed. My Christian friends from all over the world – prayed. My non-Christian friends – prayed. Even my non-believing atheist Russian family – my mum, my sister, my uncle and auntie – they all prayed as I told them they have to or else. Only one person, who did not pray, was my daughter. I could not bring myself to tell her what was happening. She was somewhere abroad building her new beautiful life, and telling her that all her future could be destroyed by her mum’s silliness was too much for me to handle at that point.
And then I came to the Sunday morning service. I really did not want to go. My eyes were red and I could not smile. And I did not want people – all these lovely sweet people – see my miserable face. I still went. And do you know what happened there? I walked in at the end of the service and wanted to sit at the back. My heart was aching, I had cramps in my stomach, and my hands were sweaty. So I definitely was hoping that nobody would pay too much attention to me. So little I knew. First thing that hit me when I just put my foot at the door-step was the huge, enormous, massive flood of LOVE: Jan and June like two sparkling angels flew towards me and showered me with their compassion, warmth and tender cuddles. I was totally overwhelmed by their smiles and hugs. “You will be all right!”- They were saying,- “ It will all be right, sweet heart!” I have never ever been called a “sweet heart”. And I have never ever received so much affection from people I hardly knew. My heart skipped hundred of beats. I started crying not from the pain, but from the happiness. I was facing the most difficult and scary moment in my life and I was happy. Crazy, isn’t it?
When Pauline (Pastor Keith’s wife) and I went to the meeting on that Monday morning I was numb with pain and the enormity of what was happening to me. I could register only one thought going through my mind at that moment: “God’s will be done”. If God was willing for me to go back to Russia – so be it. If I never was to be midwife ever again – so be it. God has plan for me and now I trusted Him and only Him. The best thing that happened to me during my time on the course – was opening my heart to Him, accepting His presence in my life, discovering His Love. And I was prepared for any news because I knew in my heart that in the long run God will take care of everything and He had only my best interest at His heart.
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” (Psalm 55:22)
“When I am afraid, O Lord Almighty, I put my trust in you. I trust in God and am not afraid” (Psalm 56). I did not feel any fear and I could see that God was guiding me in my answers. The miracle had happened. The decision was overturned.
The miracles have not stopped. I have been offered a job after my first interview in the North Middlesex University Hospital.
I am learning to walk with God and to invite the Holy Spirit in my life so I can be guided and taught by Him. I am only learning. I will and I do make mistakes. “But I am not really alone, because the Father is with me” (John 16:32). I know that He will never stop working on me so one day I could become beautiful person in the likeness of Jesus.
I am grateful to all my brothers and sisters who prayed for me and mentioned me in their prayers. To June and Jan for the floods of love and compassion they poured on me and continue to bless me with. To Keith and Pauline for their guidance, teaching and enormous patience they had with me when I was at my lowest. To my daughter Polina, for her forgiving heart.
I will extol the Lord at all times:Psalm 34:1-3
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord:
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.